reviews; review board culture; hobbyists

When reviews first came into being, I was initially supportive because I prided myself on being a companion that gentlemen would want to visit. Over time, however, my attitude towards reviews changed. As review boards went from being information-sharing to ego gratification, I began to understand that it was the act of reviewing, itself, that was the problem.

When a client reviews an engagement, he puts his mind into evaluation mode to determine an appointment’s service quality. This critical assessment is problematic because it diminishes the personability of an experience. Even when clients do not explicitly state that they are seeking “value for money” it is implied through the act of reviewing, thus making a personal experience a commodified transaction. When this happens, it has the potential to affect the interrelationships between clients and sex workers.

Before I proceed, it is important to state that I support verification systems to confirm the authenticity of sex workers. This verification would be limited to: “Companion X is friendly and safe to see.” Any information beyond that, moves into the realm of client subjectivity and arbitrary bias which has, far too often, been used as service coercion by hobbyists.

Although some people consider reviews to be innocuous, I respectfully disagree. The public nature of reviews inherently shapes both writers and readers. For client writers, the desire to be considered authoritative sources directly influences how they write reviews. There is an unspoken rule that a review is only considered legit if a client critiques at least one aspect of the engagement. This philosophy compels clients to scrutinize their appointments with a more critical eye, thus contributing to a culture of criticism that negatively impacts sex workers. It also leads to client dissatisfaction. Remember: negativity is self-fulfilling. If you seek it out, then that is what you will find. As such, by actively seeking out the worst in things, clients will miss out on the best of things.

Furthermore, I would be remiss if I did not caution that, in the worst case scenario, reviews are also influenced by a desire for entertainment. Because many clients thrive on the attention garnered from their reviews, they continually up the ante of service expectations in order to have juicier details to share with the online world. As the behavior of some clients becomes more provocative, it directly affects how they treat sex workers. This cannot be said enough: when you talk about something like a game, it is inevitable that you will treat it like a game.

Even true gentlemen clients who do not fall into the hobbyist trap, are still influenced by their writing of reviews. When a client goes into an engagement knowing that he will review it, there is the potential that he will disengage from the moment because he is thinking about how he will eventually write what he is currently experiencing. Through this preoccupation, the client loses the intimate ambience of a mutually-pleasurable experience.

Recently, there has been the suggestion on sex worker forums that reviews should be optional. This is a step forward from mandatory reviews; however, it does not address the fundamental problem that the act of reviewing harms sex workers. Although countless sex workers delisted from The Erotic Review, they could not escape the culture of commodification that permeated the industry. This is because the act of reviewing is bigger than one client or one sex worker; instead, it operates on a macro level by influencing the entire culture writ large. As such, the platform that hosts reviews does not matter, nor does having limitations on reviews. Because reviews cannot be divorced from their evaluative component, reviews, themselves, are the problem.

Regardless of a client’s original intentions, writing a review is a negative act that depersonalizes intimacy and turns the client/sex worker engagement into a transaction. Once an engagement becomes commodified, it not only dilutes the pleasure of the experience for both parties but it also has the potential to impact how many clients treat sex workers.

Because reviews are inherently commodifying, they will never empower sex workers. There is only one way to empower sex workers: review culture has to end.

The Girlfriend Experience

As I recently wrote on Twitter, the girlfriend experience is about mutual respect. It is when a sex worker treats a client as more than “just a client” and, conversely, a client treats a sex worker as more than “just a sex worker.” Treating each other with dignity and respect creates unforgettable memories for both parties.

To me, everything in life is reciprocal. When people treat others how they would wish to be treated, then there will never be negative energy or disappointment. Positivity coupled with kind-heartedness is always a win/win scenario.

As such, when corresponding with potential clients, my favourite questions from gentlemen are always personality-driven. I love being asked about my interests and future goals; the books that I’m reading; and what I aspire in life.

The questions that I do not favour are with respect to specific services that I offer. Remember: sex workers are a sure thing. I am pretty sure that clients already know what to expect. To me, being asked to provide a menu is an immediate turn-off. It makes me think that the client is more interested in checking off an arbitrary list of services than experiencing a connection with me.

In my opinion, if you want to establish a connection, then it is character-driven as opposed to a list of specific services. Personality and mutual respect are what matter most.

The girlfriend experience is about reciprocal responsibilities: clients should be treated as though they are more than just a transaction and, conversely, sex workers should be treated as though they are more than just a checklist of services.

 

I was what society Considered Perfect a size 3. I Spiral to Size 20 in One year. What happens when I turn into a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman). How society Treats you.

I was what society considered perfect a Size 3 I spiral to a size 20. What happens when I turn into a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) How society treats you.

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I’ve always been a thin, petite woman. The type of nerdy, shy girl no one is interested in. Everything changed when I got into modeling school. As I was too short for runway modeling, I got into adult magazine modeling. I was a cover girl and centerfold model while I was a dancer.

One day a man gave me a $100 bill with his number on it and asked me to buy an outfit, then call him and describe it to him. Of course, I did! I bought myself a beautiful, sexy little black dress and judging by the man’s voice, he was more than happy when I described him my looks.

Despite all these, I was sad. In fact, I was depressed. I tried to talk about it to some friends, but they were quick to dispel my feelings by saying “You’re too pretty to be depressed! Get over it!”. But I couldn’t.

While I did enjoy all the attention I got from both men and women, there were times I just wanted to become invisible. I wanted men to stop honking and whistling at me, I wanted women to stop staring at me.

I come from a middle-income family who valued religious norms and a kind heart. When men started to buy me expensive things, from jewelry to vacations, I was both amazed and thrilled. But I had days when I stood in my high-rise apartment, in an upscale area of the town, wearing expensive clothes and jewelry, crying. Nothing could make me feel better about myself, not even the constant appreciation I received from men.

 One day I decided I don’t want to have periods anymore, so I went to my OB-GYN and asked for Depo-Prova shots. I got them, but at the time I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The doctor didn’t talk to me about the side-effects of these shots. 3 Depo-Prova shots later I gained 95 lbs. in one year! I ended up weighing 200 lbs at 5’3. I went from size 3 to a size 20 not noticing it. Because it had happened gradually, I didn’t notice it right away. Each time my clothes became too small I just went and bought new ones, in a larger size.

 

Even after I stopped the shots I continued to gain weight. This changed my entire life.

Now I was able to walk on the street without men honking at me or asking for my number. My friends were dropping their jaw when they saw me, asking me what I am going to do about my weight.

The larger I got I began to feel excluded by society. Men were no longer offering to hold the door for me. When I walked into a store the sales persons told me they didn’t carry my size, people in common transportation assumed I was pregnant and offered me their seat. My personal doctor suggested I had a gastric bypass to lose weight. If I went out to have a meal I felt people’s judgmental looks. My own friends suggested I cut back on the amount of food I ate, even if I wasn’t eating more food than usual. I felt like I was pressured to get back in shape, just for society’s visual pleasure.

My extra weight started to affect my health. Even if I was exercising, I continued to gain weight and soon I was suffering from hypertension and high cholesterol. A simple walk to the store was a long journey, which ended with painful joints and heavy breathing.

 

Needless to say, my sex life was non-existent and even if a man would have been interested in me, I was probably too exhausted to do anything. I lost my self-esteem as more and more people were criticizing me for my weight. The number of insults I heard was staggering. Someone even suggested that overweight people should have their own island.

 

One day, when I was shopping at a plus-size store I met a wonderful woman, also plus size. We quickly became friends and she told me she was on Ashley Madison, the famous escort site. Thanks to her I discovered the amazing BBW niche. This is how I learned there are thousands of men who appreciate and love plus size women. I got into this new world and when I look at the numbers now, I had more regular clients back then, than I have now.

But the extra pounds were taking a toll on my health and I needed to do something about it. I went to a weight loss clinic and started the HCG diet. This is a 500 calorie a day diet, which lasts for 43 days. You give yourself injections in the stomach for 43 days which help you lose fat and retain your muscle mass. This helped me lose 20 lbs. so I in between 6 weeks off I waited to started the next 4 session with breaks.

During the break, I started eating healthy and organic and I exercised a lot. I did 4 treatments and lost 80 lbs. At the end of the diet I was 120 lbs, I was eating healthy and I was doing cardio exercise combined with weightlifting.

After I lost weight I started working as a touring companion, which made it difficult to maintain my diet and workout routine, but I continued to lose weight. When I am at home I am lifting 5 days a week and I do cardio for 45 minutes 6 days a week.

After I lost weight I still had a lot of body image issues. Men and women were giving me attention once again, but inside I was still unhappy with my look. This inability to be happy with how you look is fueled by the society. We learn from childhood that a beautiful woman is supposed to look like Barbie, an unrealistic role model. As we grow up we see in movies and in the women around us how disappointed they are by their look. I always thought people were beautiful regardless of size. Because of their inner beauty, humanitarian deeds and contribution to life. Which I’m a big believer in.

We also learn to value ourselves based on how we look and we are taught we need to be visually pleasing for the society we live in. Moreover, people around us think we should lose weight to look good, not to be healthy. This was a very important thing for me, as my health problems made me do something about my weight and now I am entirely focused on being healthy.

I had of surgery to correct what happen to me after losing weight. I found beautiful Mia again. But, that’s a different story….