I was what society considered perfect a Size 3 I spiral to a size 20. What happens when I turn into a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) How society treats you.
I’ve always been a thin, petite woman. The type of nerdy, shy girl no one is interested in. Everything changed when I got into modeling school. As I was too short for runway modeling, I got into adult magazine modeling. I was a cover girl and centerfold model while I was a dancer.
One day a man gave me a $100 bill with his number on it and asked me to buy an outfit, then call him and describe it to him. Of course, I did! I bought myself a beautiful, sexy little black dress and judging by the man’s voice, he was more than happy when I described him my looks.
Despite all these, I was sad. In fact, I was depressed. I tried to talk about it to some friends, but they were quick to dispel my feelings by saying “You’re too pretty to be depressed! Get over it!”. But I couldn’t.
While I did enjoy all the attention I got from both men and women, there were times I just wanted to become invisible. I wanted men to stop honking and whistling at me, I wanted women to stop staring at me.
I come from a middle-income family who valued religious norms and a kind heart. When men started to buy me expensive things, from jewelry to vacations, I was both amazed and thrilled. But I had days when I stood in my high-rise apartment, in an upscale area of the town, wearing expensive clothes and jewelry, crying. Nothing could make me feel better about myself, not even the constant appreciation I received from men.
One day I decided I don’t want to have periods anymore, so I went to my OB-GYN and asked for Depo-Prova shots. I got them, but at the time I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The doctor didn’t talk to me about the side-effects of these shots. 3 Depo-Prova shots later I gained 95 lbs. in one year! I ended up weighing 200 lbs at 5’3. I went from size 3 to a size 20 not noticing it. Because it had happened gradually, I didn’t notice it right away. Each time my clothes became too small I just went and bought new ones, in a larger size.
Even after I stopped the shots I continued to gain weight. This changed my entire life.
Now I was able to walk on the street without men honking at me or asking for my number. My friends were dropping their jaw when they saw me, asking me what I am going to do about my weight.
The larger I got I began to feel excluded by society. Men were no longer offering to hold the door for me. When I walked into a store the sales persons told me they didn’t carry my size, people in common transportation assumed I was pregnant and offered me their seat. My personal doctor suggested I had a gastric bypass to lose weight. If I went out to have a meal I felt people’s judgmental looks. My own friends suggested I cut back on the amount of food I ate, even if I wasn’t eating more food than usual. I felt like I was pressured to get back in shape, just for society’s visual pleasure.
My extra weight started to affect my health. Even if I was exercising, I continued to gain weight and soon I was suffering from hypertension and high cholesterol. A simple walk to the store was a long journey, which ended with painful joints and heavy breathing.
Needless to say, my sex life was non-existent and even if a man would have been interested in me, I was probably too exhausted to do anything. I lost my self-esteem as more and more people were criticizing me for my weight. The number of insults I heard was staggering. Someone even suggested that overweight people should have their own island.
One day, when I was shopping at a plus-size store I met a wonderful woman, also plus size. We quickly became friends and she told me she was on Ashley Madison, the famous escort site. Thanks to her I discovered the amazing BBW niche. This is how I learned there are thousands of men who appreciate and love plus size women. I got into this new world and when I look at the numbers now, I had more regular clients back then, than I have now.
But the extra pounds were taking a toll on my health and I needed to do something about it. I went to a weight loss clinic and started the HCG diet. This is a 500 calorie a day diet, which lasts for 43 days. You give yourself injections in the stomach for 43 days which help you lose fat and retain your muscle mass. This helped me lose 20 lbs. so I in between 6 weeks off I waited to started the next 4 session with breaks.
During the break, I started eating healthy and organic and I exercised a lot. I did 4 treatments and lost 80 lbs. At the end of the diet I was 120 lbs, I was eating healthy and I was doing cardio exercise combined with weightlifting.
After I lost weight I started working as a touring companion, which made it difficult to maintain my diet and workout routine, but I continued to lose weight. When I am at home I am lifting 5 days a week and I do cardio for 45 minutes 6 days a week.
After I lost weight I still had a lot of body image issues. Men and women were giving me attention once again, but inside I was still unhappy with my look. This inability to be happy with how you look is fueled by the society. We learn from childhood that a beautiful woman is supposed to look like Barbie, an unrealistic role model. As we grow up we see in movies and in the women around us how disappointed they are by their look. I always thought people were beautiful regardless of size. Because of their inner beauty, humanitarian deeds and contribution to life. Which I’m a big believer in.
We also learn to value ourselves based on how we look and we are taught we need to be visually pleasing for the society we live in. Moreover, people around us think we should lose weight to look good, not to be healthy. This was a very important thing for me, as my health problems made me do something about my weight and now I am entirely focused on being healthy.
I had of surgery to correct what happen to me after losing weight. I found beautiful Mia again. But, that’s a different story….